have a good time

[retired2]

One Sunday, an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her. He noted what a fine looking woman she was. While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said, "Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?"


"Why yes, that would be nice", the lady responded. Well, the gentleman couldn't believe his luck.


On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of South Carolina. When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested, "Would you like a cocktail before dinner?"


"Oh, no," said the fine example of southern womanhood, "What ever would I tell my Sunday School class?"


Well, the gentleman was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner, when he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked, "Would you like a smoke?"


"Oh my goodness no," said the woman. "I couldn't face my Sunday School class if I did !"


Well, the man felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in his car and as he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn. He'd been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with, "Ahhh ... Mmmm how would you like to stop at this motel?"


"Sure, that would be nice," she said in anticipation.


The gentleman couldn't believe his ears, and did a fast u-turn right then and there, and drove back to the motel and checked in !


The next morning, after a wild and passionate night of the most incredible love making imaginable, the gentleman awoke first. He looked at the lovely Dixie darlin' lying there in the bed and with remorse thought, 'What the hell have I done?'


He shook her awake and pleaded, "I've got to ask you one thing, what ever are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"


The lady said, "The same thing I always tell them, you don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time.."

[retired2]

"FRED"

An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant

and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.

Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'

The officer walked away in tears ( from laughter ).

[retired2]

An old fella was celebrating 92 years on this earth.

He spoke to his toes. "Hello toes.", he said. "How are you? You know, you are
92 today. Oh the times we've had! Remember how we walked in the park in the
summer every Sunday afternoon. The times we waltzed on the dance floor?
Happy Birthday toes!"
"Hello, knees.", he continued. "How are you? You know you're 92 today..
Oh, the times we've had! Remember when we marched in the parade?
Oh, the hurdles we've jumped together. Happy Birthday, knees."
Then, he looked down at his crotch. "Hello Willie! You little bugger. Just think.
If you were alive today, you'd be 92.

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