our daily coffee

[retired2]

Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.

After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers, "Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee."

The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the Lord. It must not be changed."

"Well," said the Nescafe man, "we anticipated your reluctance. For this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million."

"My son, it is impossible, for the prayer is the word of the Lord and it must not be changed."

The Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer.... We will donate $500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.' Please consider it."

And he leaves.

The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals. "There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news.The good news is that the Church will come into $500 million.'"

"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.

"We're losing the Wonder-Bread account."

[retired2]

An old man, a boy & a donkey

Were going to town.

The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked.



As they went along they passed some people



Who remarked "What a shame the old man

Is walking and the boy is riding."



The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.



Later they passed some people who

Remarked "What a shame.... He makes that little boy walk."

So they then decided they'd both walk!



Soon they passed some more people

Who remarked "They're really stupid to walk when they have a decent donkey to ride."



So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people

Who shamed them by saying "How awful to

Put such a load on a poor donkey."



The boy and man figured they were probably right,

So they decide to carry the donkey.



As they crossed the bridge,

They lost their grip on the animal

And he fell into the river and drowned.



The moral of the story?



If you try to please everyone,



You might as well...

Kiss your ass goodbye!



Have A Nice Day

[retired2]

Handicap Parking

Today I had to go to the mall.

As I approached the entrance, I noticed a driver looking for a parking space.

I flagged the driver and pointed out a handicap parking space that was open and available.

The driver looked puzzled, rolled down her window and said, "I'm not handicapped!"

"Oh, I'm sorry" I said. "I saw your Liberal bumper sticker and just assumed that you suffer from a mental disorder."

She gave me the finger and screamed some nasty names at me.

Boy! Some people don't appreciate it when you're just trying to help them out

[retired2]

Father Guido Sarducci explains the afterlife
If you are Catholic, you will laugh out loud.
If you are not Catholic, you will laugh even louder!
And if you were educated by Nuns, you'll really laugh the
Loudest!


https://www.youtube.com/embed/0AKvRvL5r3A?rel=0

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