WINTER Poem
Page 1 of 1
WINTER Poem
by retired2 Thu Dec 27, 2012 1:32 pm
Guaranteed for another 5000 years now that we're on another Mayan cycle.
WINTER Poem
It's winter in Canada
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At thirty-five below.
Oh, how I love Canada
When the snow's up to your butt
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful
So I guess I'll hang around
I could never leave Canada
Cuz I'm frozen to the ground!
Have a great day...
98% OF CANADIANS SAY "OH SHIT" BEFORE GOING IN THE DITCH ON A SLIPPERY ROAD.
THE OTHER 2% ARE FROM MANITOBA, SASKATCHEWAN & ALBERTA AND THEY SAY, "HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS."
WINTER Poem
It's winter in Canada
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At thirty-five below.
Oh, how I love Canada
When the snow's up to your butt
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful
So I guess I'll hang around
I could never leave Canada
Cuz I'm frozen to the ground!
Have a great day...
98% OF CANADIANS SAY "OH SHIT" BEFORE GOING IN THE DITCH ON A SLIPPERY ROAD.
THE OTHER 2% ARE FROM MANITOBA, SASKATCHEWAN & ALBERTA AND THEY SAY, "HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS."
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
Re: WINTER Poem
by retired2 Thu Dec 27, 2012 1:34 pm
A redneck from Baxley, Georgia decides to travel across the south to
Virginia to see god's country. when he gets to Franklin, he likes the
place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job.
He walks into the international paper company office and fills out an
application as an experienced log inspector. It's his lucky day! They
just happen to be looking for someone, but first, the log foreman takes
him for a ride into the forest in the company pickup truck to see how
much he knows.
The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree.
"See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how
many board feet of lumber it contains."
The redneck promptly answers, "That thar's a white pine, 383 board feet
of lumber in 'er."
The foreman is impressed! He puts the truck in motion and stops
about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the
passenger window and asks the same question. This time, it's a bigger
tree of a different class.
"That's a loblolly pine and she's got about 456 clear board feet."
The foreman is really impressed with the good ol' boy. He has been
quick and got the answers right without using a calculator. Time for
one more test.
They drive a little further down the road, and the foreman stops
again. This time, he points across the road through his driver side
window and says, "And what about that one?"
Even before the foreman finishes pointing, the redneck says, "White
oak, 242 board feet at best."
The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office a
little ticked off because he thinks the red neck is smarter than he
is.
As they near the office, another foreman stops the truck and asks
Bubba to step outside. He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him,
"See that tree over there? I want you to mark an X on the front of
that tree."
The foreman thinks to himself, "Idiot, how would he know which is the
front of the tree?"
When Bubba reaches the tree, he goes around it in a circle while
looking at the ground. He then reaches up and places a white X on the
trunk. He walks back to the foreman and hands him the chalk.
"That thar's the front," the redneck says.
The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, "How in the
hell do you know that's the front of the tree?"
The good ol' boy looks down at his feet, while rubbing the toe of his
left boot, cleaning it in the gravel, and replies, "Cuz somebody took
a shit behind it."
He got the job!
Virginia to see god's country. when he gets to Franklin, he likes the
place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job.
He walks into the international paper company office and fills out an
application as an experienced log inspector. It's his lucky day! They
just happen to be looking for someone, but first, the log foreman takes
him for a ride into the forest in the company pickup truck to see how
much he knows.
The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree.
"See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how
many board feet of lumber it contains."
The redneck promptly answers, "That thar's a white pine, 383 board feet
of lumber in 'er."
The foreman is impressed! He puts the truck in motion and stops
about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the
passenger window and asks the same question. This time, it's a bigger
tree of a different class.
"That's a loblolly pine and she's got about 456 clear board feet."
The foreman is really impressed with the good ol' boy. He has been
quick and got the answers right without using a calculator. Time for
one more test.
They drive a little further down the road, and the foreman stops
again. This time, he points across the road through his driver side
window and says, "And what about that one?"
Even before the foreman finishes pointing, the redneck says, "White
oak, 242 board feet at best."
The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office a
little ticked off because he thinks the red neck is smarter than he
is.
As they near the office, another foreman stops the truck and asks
Bubba to step outside. He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him,
"See that tree over there? I want you to mark an X on the front of
that tree."
The foreman thinks to himself, "Idiot, how would he know which is the
front of the tree?"
When Bubba reaches the tree, he goes around it in a circle while
looking at the ground. He then reaches up and places a white X on the
trunk. He walks back to the foreman and hands him the chalk.
"That thar's the front," the redneck says.
The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, "How in the
hell do you know that's the front of the tree?"
The good ol' boy looks down at his feet, while rubbing the toe of his
left boot, cleaning it in the gravel, and replies, "Cuz somebody took
a shit behind it."
He got the job!
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
Re: WINTER Poem
by retired2 Thu Dec 27, 2012 1:35 pm
Written by a 90 year old
This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, columnist for the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short – enjoy it.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye But don't worry; God never blinks.
16.. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19.. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, columnist for the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short – enjoy it.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye But don't worry; God never blinks.
16.. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19.. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
Re: WINTER Poem
by retired2 Thu Dec 27, 2012 1:36 pm
TRUISMS
Someone has written these beautiful words. One must read and try to understand the deep meaning in them. They are like the Ten Commandments to follow in life all the time.
1. Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble; it is a "steering wheel" that directs us in the right path throughout life.
2. Do you know why a car's WINDSHIELD is so large & the rear view mirror is so small? Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. So, look ahead and move on.
3. Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.
4. All things in life are temporary. If going well enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong don’t worry, they can't last long either.
5. Old friends are like Gold! New friends are Diamonds! If you get a Diamond, don't forget the Gold! Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a base of Gold!
6. Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, "Relax, it's just a bend, not the end!
7. When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities.
8. A blind person asked St. Anthony: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision."
9. When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them; and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.
10. WORRYING does not take away tomorrow's TROUBLES; it takes away today’s PEACE.
Someone has written these beautiful words. One must read and try to understand the deep meaning in them. They are like the Ten Commandments to follow in life all the time.
1. Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble; it is a "steering wheel" that directs us in the right path throughout life.
2. Do you know why a car's WINDSHIELD is so large & the rear view mirror is so small? Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. So, look ahead and move on.
3. Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.
4. All things in life are temporary. If going well enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong don’t worry, they can't last long either.
5. Old friends are like Gold! New friends are Diamonds! If you get a Diamond, don't forget the Gold! Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a base of Gold!
6. Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, "Relax, it's just a bend, not the end!
7. When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities.
8. A blind person asked St. Anthony: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision."
9. When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them; and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.
10. WORRYING does not take away tomorrow's TROUBLES; it takes away today’s PEACE.
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
Re: WINTER Poem
by retired2 Thu Dec 27, 2012 1:37 pm
A 55 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God
she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her
teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as
well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing
the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had
another 33 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the
ambulance?"
God replied: "Shit! I didn't recognize you."
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
Page 1 of 1
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum|
|
|