Norfolk Community Forum
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.

Sex & Calories

Go down

Sex & Calories Empty Sex & Calories

Post by retired2 Thu Oct 01, 2015 8:25 pm

[size=64]Sex & Calories[/size]
 
[size=35]They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles.[/size]
 
 
[size=35]Who the hell runs 8 miles in 15 seconds?[/size]
retired2
retired2
Bonfire Tilter

Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24

Back to top Go down

Sex & Calories Empty Re: Sex & Calories

Post by retired2 Thu Oct 01, 2015 8:25 pm

[size=48]Pension sex.[/size]

Two men were talking. 'So, how's your sex life?'
'Oh, nothing special. I'm having Pension
 sex.'
'Pension sex?' 'Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!'

[size=48]LOUD SEX[/size]

A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
'I've got a big problem, doctor.
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes,
He lets out this ear splitting yell.



'My dear,' the shrink said, 'that's completely natural.
I don't see what the problem is..'


'The problem is,' she complained, 'it wakes me up!'


[size=48]QUIET SEX[/size]


Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife
during a recent lovemaking session, 'How come you never tell me when you have  you have an orgasm?'


She glanced at him and replied, 'You're never home!' 

[size=48]SEX & ARGUMENTS[/size] 

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

The husband yelled, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'.'

'Yeah,' she replies, 'when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'


[size=48]WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX[/size] 
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, 'This will make you happy tonight.'



He was right.. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in. 

[size=48]ELDERLY SEX
[/size]
One night, an 87 year-old woman came home from Bingo and found
Her 92 year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor, assisted living apartment, killing him instantly.

Brought before the court on the charge of murder, the judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense.


She began coolly, 'Yes, your honour. I figured that at 92, if he could have sex...He could also fly.'
retired2
retired2
Bonfire Tilter

Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24

Back to top Go down

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum