This just in----

[retired2]

The lawyer says: "I
have some good news and some bad news"



The CEO replies: "I
have had an awful day, let's hear the good news first."



The lawyer says:
"Your wife invested $20,000 in five pictures that are now worth a minimum of
$2 million"



The CEO replies
enthusiastically: "Well done, very good news indeed !
You've made my day;
now what is the bad news?"



The lawyer answers:
"The pictures are of you screwing your secretary"

[retired2]

[retired2]

Bert, age 80, always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife,
"Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret, who is 75, looked him over. "Nope."

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"

"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.

"IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!"

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Should've bought a hat, Bert ... You should've bought a hat!

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