The Grandmother of all Blonde Jokes:

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The Grandmother of all Blonde Jokes:





This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokers and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.


While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.


Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house..

He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said...

(You'll love this...)

(I know you will...)

"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."

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Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma
complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities
turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth , Hungry
Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and
Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a
man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

Born and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in show business,
but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a
very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half- baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man
and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John
Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He
is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

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BLESSED ARE THE CRACKED

FOR THEY LET IN THE LIGHT



Sixteen Logical Reasons Why Some Men Have Dogs and Not Wives:

1. The later you are, the more
Excited your dog is to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them
By another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave lots
Of things on the floor.

4. Dogs' parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're pissed.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. Dogs won't wake you up at night to ask: "If I died, would you get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell 'em.

11. When you drop a silent one, dogs don't run around frantically with room spray.

13. Dogs never tell you to stop scratching your balls. Instead, they sit wondering why you don't lick 'em.

14. Dogs will let you put a studded collar on them, without calling you a pervert.

15. If a dog smells another dog on you, it won't kick you in the crotch; it just finds it interesting.

And last, but not least:


16. If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won't take half your stuff.

To verify these statements: Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour.



Then open the door, and observe who's happy to see you!

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A golfer hit his ball into a yard next to the golf course.
As he went to fetch it a man in the yard said,
“Don’t you see the sign? It says, ‘Private property. Stay Out!’”
The golfer said, “I’m sorry, I did not see it, but
that is my ball there. May I have it, please?”
The man said, “It’s in my yard, and so it’s my ball now.”
The golfer looked at the man and says, “I understand.”
He then walked back to the golf cart, took another golf ball,
and walked back to throw it into the yard.
The man asked, “What is that for?”
The golfer replied, “I consider myself a gentleman, and
I believe every prick should have two balls.

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SEX AFTER DEATH

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and
inform the other if there is sex after death.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all....
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
True to his word, he made the first contact:
"Marion ... Marion "
"Is that you, Bob?"
"Yes, I ' ve come back like we agreed."
"That ' s wonderful!�� What ' s it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex.
I have breakfast and then it ' s off to the golf course.
I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.
Then I have lunch (you ' d be proud - lots of greens).
Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.
After supper, it ' s back to golf course again.
Then it ' s more sex until late at night.
I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"
"Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?"
"No...I ' m a rabbit in Saskatchewan

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