If My Body Were a Car!

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If My Body Were a Car!

This is just too funny -

Scary how true it is!!!

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull...

But that's not the worst of it...

My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was.

I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it.

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter,

Either my Radiator leaks or

my Exhaust backfires!

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A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said,

"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."



"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off.

I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them shit in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender.

"You couldn't lose an eye just from bird shit."

"It was my first day with the hook."

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