BEST COMEBACK RESPONSES OF THE YEAR

[observer]

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility .....

Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

A: 'Yes sir, I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A: 'Yes sir.'

Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'

A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.

Number 2:

Now We Know Why He Was a General -----

In an recent interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.

His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.

The General said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function ..... OUR job is to arrange the meeting

[observer]

Two female friends had gone out for a girls' night out, and had been
decidedly overenthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and
walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were
very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business
behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe
with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away.

Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't
want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a
wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After
finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and
said, "These darn girls' nights out have got to stop. My wife came home
last night without her panties."

"That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card
stuck between her @ss cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire
station, We'll never forget you!'