A man goes into a restaurant

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A man goes into a restaurant

Post by retired2 on Tue Oct 02, 2012 10:25 am


A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "

What would you like, sir?"

He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.

After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"

Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "a quickie, please."

This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.

A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."
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Re: A man goes into a restaurant

Post by retired2 on Tue Oct 02, 2012 10:29 am

Subject: Fw: Those Darn 4 Hour Erections

What happens when you ask for help with an erection lasting more than
4hours?

Earl walked into a drug store in Kentucky and asked to talk to a male
pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the only
pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no male

employees.

She then asked if she could help him.

Earl said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable
discussing with a male pharmacist.

The lady pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and

whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that
she
would treat him with a high level of professionalism.

Earl then agreed and began by saying, 'This is tough for me to discuss,
but,
I get erections every day that last more than four hours. It causes me a
lot
of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could

give me for it.'

The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister.."

When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and this is the
absolute best we can do. 1/3 ownership in the store, a company pickup
truck,
a king size bed and $3,000 a month in living expenses.
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Re: A man goes into a restaurant

Post by retired2 on Tue Oct 02, 2012 10:32 am

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.

They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.

The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,

"Do you know where God is, son?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,

"Where is God?!

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.

The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD?!"

The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,

"What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,

"We are in BIG trouble this time! GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
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Re: A man goes into a restaurant

Post by retired2 on Tue Oct 02, 2012 10:35 am


Morris
returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the
doctor has
told him that he has only 24 hours to live.


Given the
prognosis, Morris
asks his
wife for sex.



Naturally,
she agrees, so
they make
love.



About 6
hours later, the
husband
goes to his wife and says,



'Honey, you
know I now have
only 18
hours to live.



Could we
please do it one
more
time?'



Of course,
the wife agrees,
and they do
it again.



Later, as
the man gets into
bed, he
looks at his watch



and
realizes that he now has
only 8 hours
left.




He touches
his wife's
shoulder and
asks,



'Honey,
please... just one
more time
before I die.'




She says,
'Of course, Dear,'
and they
make love for the third time.




After this
session, the wife
rolls over
and falls asleep.




Morris,
however, worried about his impending death,tosses and turns, until he's down
to 4 more hours.




He taps his
wife, who rouses.
'Honey, I
have only 4 more hours.




Do you
think we
could...'



At this point the wife sits up and says, 'Listen Morris, enough is enough. I have to get up in the morning... you don't.'
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Re: A man goes into a restaurant

Post by retired2 on Tue Oct 02, 2012 10:37 am



Married Four Times



The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director,"

she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought.



He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director. The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.







(wait for it)



































She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
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