FLY SOUTHWEST- THE CREWS ARE SMARTER

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FLY SOUTHWEST- THE CREWS ARE SMARTER

Post by retired2 on Tue Aug 14, 2012 3:20 pm

Perhaps some of you are too young to "get" this.........Ask your parents........




FLY SOUTHWEST- THE CREWS ARE SMARTER
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago . The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked,"If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant.


So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby. cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"


The busy flight attendant smiled and said, "Did your Mother tell you to ask me?"The boy said, "Yes, she did." "Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you."‪
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Re: FLY SOUTHWEST- THE CREWS ARE SMARTER

Post by retired2 on Tue Aug 14, 2012 3:21 pm

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during these Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator: 'This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'

2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'

4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'

5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'

6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'

8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'

9.Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?'
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Re: FLY SOUTHWEST- THE CREWS ARE SMARTER

Post by retired2 on Tue Aug 14, 2012 3:21 pm



My inconclusive travel plans 2012

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.

Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however , been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there.

I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical a ctivity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense!

It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart!

At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, and I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing.

PLEASE DO YOUR PAR T!

Today is one of the many National Mental Health Days throughout the year.

You can do your bit by remembering to send an e-mail to at least one unstable person.

My job is done!

Life is too short for negative drama and petty things.

So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!

From one unstable person to another...

I hope everyone is happy in your head - we're all doing pretty good in mine!
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Re: FLY SOUTHWEST- THE CREWS ARE SMARTER

Post by retired2 on Tue Aug 14, 2012 3:22 pm


A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital.

Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.

"I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon.

"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"

"Oh God no!" cries the man "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?"

"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm.

I’ll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."

"Go for it doc", says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."

The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course

when he bumped into the surgeon. "Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.

"Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life.

My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."

"That's great," said the surgeon.

"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved,

I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in water colours."

"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?"

"Well, just one problem," said the golfer.

"Every time I get an erection, I also get a headache."
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Re: FLY SOUTHWEST- THE CREWS ARE SMARTER

Post by retired2 on Tue Aug 14, 2012 3:23 pm



Gun News

You may have heard on the news about a southern California man put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had (by rough estimate) 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.
My favorite quote from the dimwit television reporter: “Wow! He has about a quarter million machine gun bullets.” The headline referred to it as a “massive weapons cache”.
By southern California standards someone owning 100,000 rounds would be called “mentally unstable”. Just imagine if he lived elsewhere:
In Arizona , he’d be called “an avid gun collector”.
In Texas , he’d be called “a novice gun collector”.
In Utah , he’d be called “moderately well prepared”, but they’d probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.
In Montana , he’d be called “The neighborhood ‘Go-To’ guy”.
In Idaho , he’d be called “a likely gubernatorial candidate”.
In Wyoming , he’d be called “an eligible bachelor”.
In Wisconsin , he’d be called “a deer hunting buddy”.

And, in Alabama , we just call him “Bubba”.
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