Survivor" Texas Style.

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Survivor" Texas Style.

Post by retired2 on Wed Aug 01, 2012 1:53 pm


Due to the popularity of the
"Survivor" shows,Texas is planning to do

one entitled: "Survivor, Texas-Style!"

The 8 contestants will all start in
Dallas , then drive to Waco ,

Austin and San
Antonio . Then over to
Houston and down to Brownsville

They will proceed up to
Del Rio , El Paso ,
Odessa , Midland ,

Lubbock and Amarillo . From there they will go on to
Abilene and Fort Worth
Finally back to Dallas .



Each will be driving a pink Prius with
bumper stickers that read:



1. "I'm a Democrat"

2. "Amnesty for Illegals"

3. "I love the Dixie Chicks"

4. "Boycott Beef"

5. "I Voted for Obama"

6. " George Strait Sucks"

7. "Re-elect Obama in 2012" and....

8. "I'm here to confiscate your guns"

The first one to make it
back to Dallas alive wins.

God Bless Texas !
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Re: Survivor" Texas Style.

Post by retired2 on Wed Aug 01, 2012 1:54 pm

If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through? You will love this!

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a
week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"

The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
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Re: Survivor" Texas Style.

Post by retired2 on Wed Aug 01, 2012 5:21 pm

Note to self: 'Cancel credit cards prior to death!

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die!
This is so priceless and so easy to see happening - customer service, being what it is today!

A lady died this past January, and the Royal Bank billed her for February and
March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and
Then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had
Been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00.

A family member placed a call to the Royal Bank:

Family Member:
'I am calling to tell you that she died in January.'

Royal Bank:'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member:
'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

Royal Bank:
'Since it is two months past due, it already has been..'

Family Member:
So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Royal Bank PAC:
'Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to
The credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member:
'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Royal Bank:
'Excuse me?'

Family Member:
'Did you just get what I was telling you . . . The part about her
Being dead?'

Royal Bank:
'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member:
'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.'

Royal Bank:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member:
'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Royal Bank:
(Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member:
'No, I'm her great nephew.'
(Lawyer info given)

Royal Bank:
'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member:
'Sure.'
( fax number is given )

After they get the fax:

Royal Bank:
'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I
Can do to help.'

Family Member:
'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing
Her. I don't think she will care.'

Royal Bank :
'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.'

Family Member:
'Would you like her new billing address?'

Royal Bank:
'That might help.'

Family Member:
' Rookwood Memorial Cemetery , 1249 Centenary Rd, Sydney Plot Number
1049.'

Royal Bank:
'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member: 'Well, what the fuck do you do with dead people on your planet?'..
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Re: Survivor" Texas Style.

Post by retired2 on Wed Aug 01, 2012 5:22 pm



THE FIRST OLYMPICS JOKE?



It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London .
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven't got tickets.

The Scotsman picks up a manhole-cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate. " McTavish , Scotland ," he says, "Discus," and in he walks.

The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder

" Waddington-Smythe , England ," he says, "Pole vault," and in he walks.

The Irishman looks around, picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm. "O'Malley, Ireland ," he says: "Fencing."
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Re: Survivor" Texas Style.

Post by retired2 on Wed Aug 01, 2012 5:22 pm


Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well for my age. (I just turned Sixty-eight).

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?'

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'

'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?'

'No,' I said...

He looked at me and said,..
'Then, why do you even give a shit?
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