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Post by Rick Wisson on Mon Jul 16, 2012 7:56 am

The Founding Fathers were sitting around a table sometime in 1776,
working on the constitution. It had been a long day.
"Whew! It's getting rather warm in here, isn't it? "
"Shall I open the window? "
"No, that's alright. I'll just take off my jacket, and roll up my sleeves. "
"Hey, that's a good idea. Why don't we include that in the constitution? "
"What? That we're allowed to take our jackets off and roll up our sleeves while at work? "
"Yeah, but that doesn't sound very smooth. How about, 'Everyone shall have the right to bare arms?
_ ______________
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Post by retired2 on Mon Jul 16, 2012 11:49 am

One day, Ontario's premier Dalton McGuinty called his finance minister Dwight Duncan into his office and said, "Dwight, I

have a plan to win back Middle Ontario in 2012!"


"Great Dalton, but how?" asked Dwight.


"We'll get some cheesy clothes & shoes, dirty ourselves up like

most Middle Ontarians do, then stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador

retriever. Then we'll go to a nice old country bar in Port Dover Ontario and show

them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working people living

there."


They did and found just the place they were looking

for, Capt'n Billy's in Port Dover. With the dog in tow they walked inside and

stepped up to the bar. The Bartender took a step back and said,

"Hey! Aren't you Dalton McGuinty and Dwight Duncan"


"Yes we are!" said Dalton, "And what a

lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Dwight suggested we

stop and take in some local color."


They ordered a round of drinks for the whole bar and

started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen. A few minutes

later, a grizzled old fisherman came in, walked up to the Labrador, lifted up its

tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders, and walked out. A few

moments later in came another old fisherman. He walked up to the dog,

lifted up its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head, and left the bar.


For the next hour another dozen fishermen came in,

lifted the dog's tail, and left shaking their heads.


Finally Dalton McGuinty asked, "Why did all those old

fishermen come in and look under the dog's tail? Is it some sort of local

custom?"


"Lord, no," said the bartender.

"Someone out there is running around Dover claiming there's a Labrador

Retriever in here with two ass holes!"
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Post by tom278 on Mon Jul 16, 2012 12:23 pm

Fire arms.... 580207494

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Post by retired2 on Mon Jul 16, 2012 3:06 pm



The wife left a note on the fridge.........



"It's not working!! I can't take it anymore; I've gone to stay at my daughters!"



I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was still cold.........



What the hell is she talking about?!!
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Post by retired2 on Mon Jul 16, 2012 3:08 pm

Florida
>
>
>
>
> A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out
> of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph,
> enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
> "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
>
> Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue
> lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110,
> then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!"
> and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
>
> Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked
> up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift
> ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason
> for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."
>
> The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off
> with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.
>
> "Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
> Georgia
> The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
>
> He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
>
> The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."
>
>
>
> Louisiana
> A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."
>
> When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."
>
> Mississippi
> The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
>
> Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"
>
> The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
>
> North Carolina
> A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
>
> A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
>
> The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."
>
> The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
>
> The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."
>
>
> Tennessee
> A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
>
> The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
>
> Texas
> The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."
> "Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "
> ***
>
>
> Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South,
> but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.
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Post by retired2 on Mon Jul 16, 2012 5:33 pm



FOR ALL OF US OLD FOLKS - WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE KIDS ARE THINKING?

If you need and want a good laugh, this will do it. Enjoy!

Mrs. Brown's dog is dying and the kids are trying to figure out a way to tell her.
Left Click Your Mouse Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=U430rpfjIIQ&feature=relmf
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