Wanting Coffee:

Go down

Wanting Coffee: Empty Wanting Coffee:

Post by retired2 on Sun Jul 08, 2012 8:11 am

Wanting Coffee:

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun
in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.
He says to the waiter:


"Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure. Coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee......
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp,
turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,
causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to
the waiter:


"Want coffee."

The waiter says "Whoa!
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday.
What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says,

"Training for position in Canadian government.
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull,
leave shit for others to clean up,
disappear for rest of day." HAVE A GREAT DAY !!!!
retired2
retired2
Bonfire Tilter

Posts : 5976
Join date : 2012-02-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Wanting Coffee: Empty Re: Wanting Coffee:

Post by retired2 on Sun Jul 08, 2012 8:19 am

Old Butch

John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and then only ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To John's amazement, Old Butch was proudly carrying his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

Now, Old Butch would be able to sneak up on a pullet, do his job and then walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of Old Butch that he decided to enter him in the Saint Lawrence County Fair where he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize", but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly Old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
retired2
retired2
Bonfire Tilter

Posts : 5976
Join date : 2012-02-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Wanting Coffee: Empty Re: Wanting Coffee:

Post by retired2 on Sun Jul 08, 2012 8:24 am

Fable of the Porcupine

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.
The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and Protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.

After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their Companions or disappear from the Earth.

Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close Relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.

The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.
The moral of the story is:

Just learn to live with the Pricks in your life!
retired2
retired2
Bonfire Tilter

Posts : 5976
Join date : 2012-02-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Wanting Coffee: Empty Re: Wanting Coffee:

Post by retired2 on Sun Jul 08, 2012 11:30 am

Dedication and Focus
Wanting Coffee: Inbox20



It was reported that his wife was able to get out safely and he was able to par the hole.
retired2
retired2
Bonfire Tilter

Posts : 5976
Join date : 2012-02-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Wanting Coffee: Empty Re: Wanting Coffee:

Post by retired2 on Sun Jul 08, 2012 8:16 pm

Jesus Knows You're Here



A burglar broke into a house one night.
He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when
a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off,
and froze.

When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching
you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking
for the source of the voice. ..................................

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to
rest on a parrot.




'Did you say that?' he hissed
at the
parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked,
'I'm just trying to warn you that he is
watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me,
huh? Who in the world are you ?'

'Moses,'
replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed.
'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The same kind of people that would name a
Rottweiler Jesus.'

retired2
retired2
Bonfire Tilter

Posts : 5976
Join date : 2012-02-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Wanting Coffee: Empty Re: Wanting Coffee:

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum