Sven says to Ole

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Post by retired2 on Mon May 07, 2012 12:26 pm

Sven says to Ole: "Close your curtains da next time you're haffing sex vid Lena. Dawhole street vas vatching and laughing at you yesterday. "


Ole says:

"Vell the joke's on dem, because I vasn't even home yesterday"!
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Post by retired2 on Mon May 07, 2012 1:57 pm

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a




gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table...He had been checking
her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks... They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.

After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!

'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman.. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. ........ ..





Wait for it ... .........





It's coming ..... ....




The suspense is killing you, isn't it?






She said ... ....:

'You just happened to catch my eye.'
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Post by retired2 on Mon May 07, 2012 1:58 pm

Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what;

Metal,
Wood,
Stone,
Anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king,
'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands,
she will be cured.'

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth...

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.



But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly.


The second prince brought diamonds.


He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.

He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess,
'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red ..



She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.
And it did not melt!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.

And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?



M&M's of course.

They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
What were you thinking??
I STILL WORRY ABOUT YOU SOMETIMES!
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Post by retired2 on Mon May 07, 2012 9:10 pm

Sven says to Ole 15628310
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