just an old woman !

Go down

just an old woman ! Empty just an old woman !

Post by growler on Fri May 04, 2012 4:27 pm

THE OLD WOMAN HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THE ONLY SALOON TO CLEAR HER PARCHED THROAT.

SHE WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCH RAIL. AS SHE STOOD
THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG
GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A
BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER.

The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, saying, "Hey
Old WOMAN, have you ever danced?"

THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO, I NEVER DID
DANCE ... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."

A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID, "WELL, YOU
OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD
WOMAN'S FEET...

THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR --NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF--
STARTED HOPPING AROUND LIKE A FLEA ON A HOT

SKILLET. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING, FIT TO BE TIED.

WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL
LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE
SALOON.

THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED
SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS...

THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY
SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING.

THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE
LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.

THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS
SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER LICKED A MULE'S ASS?"

THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO MAM ... BUT ... I'VE
ALWAYS WANTED TO."

THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS FOR US ALL HERE:

1 - NEVER BE ARROGANT.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid...

I JUST LOVE A STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?







growler
growler
Complaints Department

Posts : 1652
Join date : 2012-02-26
Age : 70
Location : nhnh ! !

View user profile

Back to top Go down

just an old woman ! Empty Re: just an old woman !

Post by retired2 on Fri May 04, 2012 5:09 pm

GOODBYE MOM

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.


She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay."

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

The little old lady waved and smiled back at him..





Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.





"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk..

"How come so much? I only bought 5 items."

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."

Bet you thought this was going to be a tear jerker.
Don't trust Little Old Ladies!!!
retired2
retired2
Bonfire Tilter

Posts : 5976
Join date : 2012-02-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

just an old woman ! Empty Re: just an old woman !

Post by observer on Fri May 04, 2012 10:50 pm

Enjoyed them all - but REALLY liked the last one - where the "con man" got conned!
observer
observer
The Watchful Eye

Posts : 2367
Join date : 2012-02-24
Location : Delhi

View user profile

Back to top Go down

just an old woman ! Empty Re: just an old woman !

Post by retired2 on Fri May 04, 2012 10:58 pm

What conman???
retired2
retired2
Bonfire Tilter

Posts : 5976
Join date : 2012-02-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

just an old woman ! Empty Re: just an old woman !

Post by observer on Fri May 04, 2012 11:16 pm

OK - reread - and maybe there was a "conwoman". LOL
observer
observer
The Watchful Eye

Posts : 2367
Join date : 2012-02-24
Location : Delhi

View user profile

Back to top Go down

just an old woman ! Empty Re: just an old woman !

Post by retired2 on Sat May 05, 2012 10:07 pm

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically,I headed for the parking lot. My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered; I always call her"honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen." There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped,but then I heard her voice. "Idiot", she barked, "I dropped you off!" Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me." She retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car." Yep it's the golden years.
retired2
retired2
Bonfire Tilter

Posts : 5976
Join date : 2012-02-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

just an old woman ! Empty Re: just an old woman !

Post by retired2 on Sun May 06, 2012 12:19 pm

A very old man lay
dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the
aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom,

and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs,

gripping the railing with both hands.

With labored breath,
he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for
death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

There, spread out
on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of
his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven?

Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife,
seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table.

The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie

at the edge of the table,

when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those,"
she said.

"They're for the funeral.
retired2
retired2
Bonfire Tilter

Posts : 5976
Join date : 2012-02-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

just an old woman ! Empty Re: just an old woman !

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum