April is Heart Healthy Month

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Post by retired2 on Thu Apr 19, 2012 3:45 pm

April is Heart Healthy Month. The following exercise may help all of us to a healthier life style. The first time you try it do it slowly, after the first try it is much easier.


THIS IS NOT AS EASY AS IT LOOKS

Pass to all 50 yrs and older. Cardiovascular Exercise
The older we get the more important it is to incorporate exercise into our daily routine.
This is necessary to maintain cardiovascular health and maintain muscle mass.
Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!
Scroll Down.







NOW SCROLL UP..
That's enough for the first day. Great job.
Have a glass of Wine.
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Post by retired2 on Thu Apr 19, 2012 3:45 pm

While on a road trip, an elderly couple
stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.
After finishing their meal, they left the
restaurant, and resumed their trip.

When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly
left her glasses on the table, and she didn't
miss them until they had been driving for
about forty minutes.


By then, to add to the aggravation, they
had to travel quite a distance before
they could find a place to turnaround,
in order to return to the restaurant
to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband
became the classic grouchy old man.
He fussed and complained, and
scolded
his wife relentlessly during the
entire return drive. The more he
chided her, the more agitated he became.
He just wouldn't let up for a single minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.
As the woman got out of the
car, and hurried inside to retrieve he r glasses,
the old geezer yelled to her,

While you're in there, you might as well
get my hat and the credit card.
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Post by retired2 on Thu Apr 19, 2012 3:46 pm

April is Heart Healthy Month Image037
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Post by retired2 on Thu Apr 19, 2012 3:47 pm

New element discovered

The CSIRO has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.



The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons.


Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.


Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.


In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.


This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.


When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other byproducts are produced.
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Post by retired2 on Thu Apr 19, 2012 3:48 pm

THE UNDERTAKER'S BLACK EYE
Roy, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye.

"What happened to you?" asked his wife.


"I had a terrible day." replied Roy . "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had
died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag

because he had this huge erection.

Anyway, I went up and, sure enough, there was this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection. So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half."


"I see" said his wife, "that must have been awful, but how did you get the black eye?"

Roy replied: "Wrong room."
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Post by retired2 on Thu Apr 19, 2012 3:48 pm

SEXUAL ADVICE



A woman went to her doctor for advice.

She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.


"Do you enjoy it?" the doctor asked. "Actually, yes, I do" she said. ''Does it hurt you", he asked? "No. I rather like it!"
''Well, then," the doctor continued, "there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex,
if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant."


The woman was mystified. "What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?"
"Of course", the doctor replied. "Where do you think politicians come from?"
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