Quickies

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Quickies

Post by retired2 on Tue May 16, 2017 2:48 pm

>>>
>>> Quickies
>>>
>>>
>>> I dialed a number and got the following recording:
>>> "I am not available right now, but
>>> Thank you for caring enough to call.
>>> I am making some changes in my life.
>>> Please leave a message after the
>>> Beep. If I do not return your call,
>>> You are one of the changes."
>>>
>>> ###########
>>>
>>> Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
>>> He shoots his friend and kills him.
>>> Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends!"
>>>
>>> ##########
>>>
>>> Aspire to inspire before you expire.
>>>
>>> ########
>>>
>>> My wife and I had words,
>>> But I didn't get to use mine.
>>>
>>> ##########
>>>
>>> Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
>>>
>>> ##########
>>>
>>> The irony of life is that, by the time
>>> You're old enough to know your way around,
>>> you're not going anywhere.
>>>
>>> ##########
>>>
>>> God made man before woman so as to give him time
>>> to think of an answer for her first question.
>>>
>>> ##########
>>>
>>> I was always taught to respect my elders,
>>> But it keeps getting harder to find one.
>>>
>>> ##########
>>> A women asks man who is traveling with six children,
>>> "Are all these kids yours?"
>>> The man replies, "No, I work in a condom factory and these
>>> are customer complaints".
>>>
>>> ##########
>>>
>>> A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"
>>> Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that.
>>> Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential."
>>>
>>> ##########
>>>
>>> Nominated as the best short joke this year...
>>>
>>> A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
>>> "Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?"
>>> "Not yet," she replied.
>>>

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retired2
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Re: Quickies

Post by retired2 on Tue May 16, 2017 2:48 pm

You think you have lived to be 80 plus and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to hell!


cid:com_samsung_android_email_attachmentprovider_2_39458_RAW_1485301860765
An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked,
Are you a real pilot?

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked:
"Are you a real pilot?"

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
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Re: Quickies

Post by retired2 on Tue May 16, 2017 2:50 pm

You think you have lived to be 80 plus and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to hell!



An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked,
Are you a real pilot?

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked:
"Are you a real pilot?"

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
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