Great Quotes on Sex

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Great Quotes on Sex

Post by retired2 on Fri Apr 01, 2016 10:23 am

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual
arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500."


Lynn Lavner



"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting
married."


George Burns



"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole
relationship."


Sharon Stone



"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."


Jack Nicholson



"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he
lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."


Barbara Bush (FormerUS First Lady)



"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a
man's genitals through his wallet."


Robin Williams



"According to a new survey, women say they feel more
comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of
other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are
just grateful."


Robert De Niro



"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many
men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe
swelling. So what's the problem?"


Dustin Hoffman



"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men
think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked !"


Jerry Seinfeld



"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis and
only enough blood to run one at a time."


Robin Williams



"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties
up whom."


Joan Rivers



Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural
experiences money can buy.


Steve Martin



You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get
older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman.
Stuff you pay good money for later in life.


Elmo Phillips

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same
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Re: Great Quotes on Sex

Post by retired2 on Fri Apr 01, 2016 10:26 am

Because
of his stupidity and clumsiness, his teacher, was always yelling at him,
"You're
driving me crazy, Tyrone!"
One day, Tyrone's mother came to school to check
on how he was doing.
The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son was
simply a disaster, getting very low marks and that she had never seen such a
stupid boy in her entire teaching career.
The mother was so shocked at the
feedback that she withdrew her son from school and moved out of Toronto, and
relocated to Edmonton.
Twenty-five years later, the teacher was diagnosed
with an almost incurable cardiac disease. All the doctors strongly advised her

to have open heart surgery, but there was only one surgeon in Canada who could

perform the operation and he was located at the Edmonton General.
Left with
no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was
successful.
When she came round after surgery she saw a handsome young doctor
smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not talk.
Her face
started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but
quickly died. The doctor was shocked, wondering what could possibly have gone
wrong so suddenly. Then he turned around and saw our friend Tyrone, a
janitor in the hospital, who had unplugged the life-support equipment in order

to connect his vacuum cleaner.
If you thought for one moment that Tyrone had
become a heart-surgeon, there is a high likelihood that you voted for Justin
Trudeau.
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