Points of Wisdom for the Day

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Points of Wisdom for the Day

Post by retired2 on Tue Mar 01, 2016 9:08 pm

Points of Wisdom for the Day


The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I'm worried about the 195 lbs. I've gained.

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out"..?

The speed with which a woman says "nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the shit storm that's coming..

Denny's has a slogan, 'If it's your birthday, the meal is on us.' If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday... Your life sucks!

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" is all I need.....not all this, "how did you get in my house" business!

The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she's going to get me something.

On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is very upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.

I can't understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."

I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

What is it about a car that makes people think we can't see them pick their noses?

When I die I want to be reincarnated as a spider, just so I can finally hear a woman say “ Oh my God, it's huge!"
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Re: Points of Wisdom for the Day

Post by retired2 on Tue Mar 01, 2016 9:09 pm



Should I Really Join Facebook? (Priceless)

Read it all the way through! It's a good laugh! AND really quite true!!

A good laugh for people in the over 65 group !!! Or approaching.......


When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, my 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship... When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions, checking bathrooms, and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do fart a lot."

P.S. I know some of you are not over 65, I sent it to you to allow you to forward it to those who are.......Not me; I figured your sense of humor could handle it....

We senior citizens don't need any more gadgets. The TV remote and the garage door remote are about all we can handle.
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Re: Points of Wisdom for the Day

Post by retired2 on Tue Mar 01, 2016 9:10 pm

IQ Test


Which of the following names are you familiar with?
1. Monica Lewinski
2. Bill Clinton
3. Hilary Clinton
4. Adolph Hitler
5. Jorge Bergoglio
6. Winnie Mandela
7. Vladimir Putin
8. Linda Lovelace
9. Saddam Hussein
10. Tiger Woods

You had trouble with # 5



You know all the criminals, murderers, thieves, sluts and cheaters, but you don't know the Pope?? Lovely, just lovely!
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Re: Points of Wisdom for the Day

Post by retired2 on Tue Mar 01, 2016 9:11 pm


House of ill repute


There was a brothel at the top of a hill, with a large Red light at the bottom of the hill.

There were four men ....

One was walking briskly up the hill;
One was inside the brothel;
One was walking slowly down the hill and
The fourth man was sitting in his car at the bottom of the hill.

What were the nationalities of the four men?





















* The man going up the hill: was Rushin
* The man in the brothel: Him-a-layin
* The man walking down the hill: was Finish

Now wait for it ........................................................!!!!!!



The man in the car at the bottom was a Newfie. And he was waiting for the light to turn green.
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