The Satnav - by Pam Ayres

[retired2]

The Satnav - by Pam Ayres

I have a little Satnav, It sits there in my car
A Satnav is a driver's friend, it tells you where you are.
I have a little Satnav, I've had it all my life
It's better than the normal ones, My Satnav is my wife.
It gives me full instructions, Especially how to drive
"It's sixty miles an hour", it says, "You're doing sixty five".
It tells me when to stop and start, And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever, Safe to overtake.
It tells me when a light is red, And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively, Just when to intervene.
It lists the vehicles just in front, And all those to the rear
And taking this into account, It specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver, Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car, It still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counselling, Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it, And get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, Makes sure I'm properly fed
It washes all my shirts and things, And keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages, And my tendency to scoff,
I only wish that now and then, I could turn the bugger off.

[retired2]

4 friends (Ladies) meet 30 years after school at reunion.....

One goes to take food

while the other 3 start to talk about how successful their sons became.


No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich, he gave his best friend a ferrari.

No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline became so rich, he gave his best friend a jet.

No. 3 said her son became an engineer, started his own development company became so rich, he build his best friend a castle.

No 4. came back with a plate full of food and asked what the buzz is about.

They told her they were talking about how successful their sons became and asked her about her son.

She said her son is gay and he works in a Gay Bar.

The other 3 said she must be very disappointed with her son for not becoming successful.

" Oh no !! " said the Lady, he is doing good.

" Last week on his birthday he got a ferrari, a jet and a castle from 3 of his boyfriends..." .

All the 3 Ladies fainted ....

[retired2]

A road crew supervisor in Saskatchewan hired Herb from Newfoundland, to paint the yellow line down the middle of route 32 heading up toward Prince Albert. He was sceptical about hiring him since he didn't have any painting background, but he appeared enthusiastic and told him that he really needed the job. At least his wife Lorrie- Jane, told him so.

He explained to Herb, that his work day would be to complete 2 miles of centreline on the road.

He was set up with brushes and paint and his boss got him started.


After the first day, the supervisor was pleased to find that he'd painted 4 miles of road in his 8 hour shift, instead of the two expected of him.

He told Herb, that he did an excellent job, and said how pleased he was with his progress.

On the second day, Herb completed painting just the 2 miles
of road that was asked of him.

His supervisor was surprised, because on the first day, he had completed twice as much work. But he didn't say anything, since 2 miles of road was the amount that the job required anyway. He decided to just accept it, and to look forward to the next day when he was sure that Herb would pick up the pace again.

On day 3, the supervisor was disappointed to learn that in his 8 hour shift, Herb completed painting only 1 mile of road. Herb was
called to the supervisor's office and asked what was the problem.

"On your first day, you completed 4 miles of road, on your
second day, 2 miles of road, and now on day 3, you were only able to complete 1 mile of road. What's the problem, Herb?"


"Well," Herb replied, "I'll tell you watt is da problem dare boy, but I taught a smart man like you would figger it out fer yourself. Every day I got farder and farder away from da paint can."

[retired2]

Redneck Vacation


Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells
Luther,

"Yaw know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation, only this year I'm
gonna do it different.


The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago
you said to go

to Hawaii. Well I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got
pregnant again.

Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant
again.

Luther asks Billy Bob, "so, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

"I'm taking Earlene with me."

[Rick Wisson]

He He

[retired2]

They were worth at least three hes

[observer]

Hee hee hee hee

[Rick Wisson]

He, even throw in a snort.

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