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Please add your name...

Post by retired2 on Thu Apr 16, 2015 10:05 pm

Please add your name...
As a rule, I don’t pass along these “add your name.. pass along” emails., but I thought this one was important.
It has been circulating for several weeks and has been forwarded to an estimated 20 million people so far.
Please keep this going. 
To show your support for Senator Mike Duffy, please go to the end of the list, add your name, and forward 
to as many concerned Canadians as you can.
 
 
 
 
 
1.  Mrs. Duffy
2. 
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Re: Please add your name...

Post by retired2 on Thu Apr 16, 2015 10:05 pm

Lawn mower......



A preacher was making his rounds on a bicycle when he came
upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower.
 
"How much do you want for the mower?" asked the preacher.
 
"I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle,"
 
After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, "Will you take my bike in trade for it ?"
 
The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around a little while, he said,"Mister, you've got yourself a deal."
 
The preacher took the mower and began to crank it. He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower.
 
The preacher called the little boy over and said, "I can't get this mower to start."
The little boy said, "That's because you have to cuss at it to get it started."
 
The preacher said, "I can't cuss. It's been so long since I became A Christian that I don't even remember how to cuss .."
The little boy looked at him happily and said, "You just keep pulling on that rope . It'll come back to ya .."



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Re: Please add your name...

Post by retired2 on Thu Apr 16, 2015 10:07 pm

[size=48]An Australian drover
                  walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side.
[/size]
[size=48]He puts the
                  crocodile up on the bar and then he turns to the astonished
                  patrons.[/size]
[size=48]“I'll
                  make you a deal.  I'll open this crocodile's mouth and
                  place my manhood inside.[/size]

[size=48]Then the
                  croc will close his[/size]
[size=48]mouth for
                  one minute.[/size]

[size=48]Then he'll
                  open his mouth[/size]
[size=48]And I'll
                  remove my unit unscathed.[/size]
[size=48]In return
                  for witnessing this[/size]
[size=48]spectacle,
                  each of you will buy me a drink.”[/size]

[size=48]The crowd
                  murmured their approval.[/size]
[size=48]The man
                  stood up on the bar,[/size]
[size=48]dropped his
                  trousers,[/size]
[size=48]and placed
                  his Johnson and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth.[/size]

[size=48]The croc
                  closed his mouth[/size]
[size=48]as the crowd
                  gasped.[/size]
[size=48]After a
                  minute,[/size]
[size=48]the man
                  grabbed a beer[/size]
[size=48]bottle and
                  smacked the[/size]
[size=48]crocodile
                  hard on the top of[/size]
[size=48]its head.[/size]

[size=48]The croc
                  opened his mouth[/size]
[size=48]and the man
                  removed his genitals unscathed as promised.[/size]

[size=48]The crowd
                  cheered,[/size]
[size=48]and the
                  first of his free[/size]
[size=48]drinks were
                  delivered.[/size]




[size=48]The man
                  stood up again and made another offer.  “I'll pay
                  anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.”[/size]

[size=48]A hush fell
                  over the crowd.  After a while, a hand went up in the
                  back of the bar.[/size]

[size=48]A blonde
                  woman timidly[/size]
[size=48]spoke
                  up..........[/size]
[size=48]“I'll
                  try it -[/size]
[size=48]Just don't
                  hit me so hard[/size]
[size=48]with the
                  beer bottle!”[/size]
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Re: Please add your name...

Post by retired2 on Thu Apr 16, 2015 10:08 pm

A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his 1911 Colt  pistol    and yelled,  
"I have a .45 Colt with an eight shot clip and I want to know who's been screwing my wife?"
A voice from the back of the room called out...
"You'll need more ammo!”
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Re: Please add your name...

Post by retired2 on Thu Apr 16, 2015 10:11 pm

Older love making
Maude and Claude, both 81, lived in The Villages, in Florida.
They met at the singles club meeting and discovered
over time that they enjoyed each others' company.
After several weeks of meeting for coffee,
Claude asked Maude out for dinner and,
much to his delight, she accepted.
 
They had a lovely evening.
They dined at the most Romantic restaurant in town.
Despite their ages, they ended up at his place
for an after-dinner drink.
 
Things continued along a natural course and with age being no inhibitor,
Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the Hay.
As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared,
each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.....
Claude was thinking:
'If I'd known she was a Virgin, I'd have been gentler.'
Maude was thinking:
 
'If I'd known he could still do it,
I'd have taken off my Pantyhose.'
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Re: Please add your name...

Post by retired2 on Thu Apr 16, 2015 10:11 pm

[size=32]ENJOY[/size][size=32] - A Blonde's  Year in Review[/size][size=32]  [/size]

[size=32]January[/size] [size=32]
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. [/size]

 
[size=32]February  [/size][size=32]
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!![/size]

 
[size=32]March[/size][size=32]
Got  really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....
Box said ' 2-4 years!' [/size]

 
[size=32]April  [/size][size=32]
Trapped on escalator for hours ... 
Power went out!!![/size]

 
[size=32]May[/size][size=32]
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! [/size]

 
[size=32]June[/size][size=32]
Tried to go water skiing.......
Couldn't find a lake with a slope.  [/size]

 
[size=32]July[/size][size=32]
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....
Learned later that the other swimmers cheated- they used their arms!!![/size]

 
[size=32]August[/size][size=32]
Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....
Darn car filled up with water because convertible top was open.[/size]

 
[size=32]September  [/size] [size=32]
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???  [/size]

 
[size=32]October[/size][size=32]
Hate M & M's.....They are so hard to peel. [/size]

 
[size=32]November[/size][size=32]   [/size][size=32]
Baked Thanksgiving turkey for 4 1/2 days  ...[/size] [size=32]
Instructions said bake 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!! [/size]

 
[size=32]December[/size] 

 
[size=32]Couldn't call 911.
'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!![/size] 

 

 

 
[size=48]THE  BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO  FAR[/size] 

 
A  man was in his front yard mowing grass when his  attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
 
She opened it then slammed it shut and Stormed back in the house.  
 

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. 
 
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
 
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?'
 
To which she replied,  'There certainly is!'
(Are you ready?
This is a beauty...)  

 
[size=48]'My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT  MAIL!'[/size]
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