Have A Great Weekend

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Have A Great Weekend

Post by retired2 on Fri Feb 27, 2015 9:41 pm


A balding, white haired man from The Oaks in Florida, walked into a jewelry store in a local mall this
past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and
brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at
only $40,000' the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.' The jeweler asked how payment would be made and
the man stated, 'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you
can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick up the ring Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, 'There was only $25 in your account.'
'I know', said the old man,
'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'

REMEMBER... Not All Seniors Are Senile... lol
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Re: Have A Great Weekend

Post by retired2 on Fri Feb 27, 2015 9:41 pm



On the sixth day, God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said, "Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."



God continued, "I shall make the land rich in resources so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."



"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians??"



"Not really," replied God..."Just wait and see the winters I am going to give them!"
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Re: Have A Great Weekend

Post by retired2 on Fri Feb 27, 2015 9:42 pm

Never question a drunk man.
> >
> > I am a female and was shopping at the local supermarket
> > where I selected:
> > A half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of
> > orange juice, a head of lettuce, a 2
> > lb. Can of coffee, a 1 lb. Package of bacon. As I was
> > unloading my items on theconveyor belt to check out, a drunk
> > standing behind me watched as I placed the items
> > in
> > front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing
> > up the purchases, the drunk calmly Stated, 'You must
> > be single.' I was a bit startled by this proclamation,
> > but I was intrigued by the derelict's
> > intuition, since I indeed had never
> > found Mr. Right. I
> > looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing
> > particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped
> > off the drunk to my marital status. Curiosity getting
> > the
> > better of me, I said , 'Yes you are correct. But
> > how on earth did you know that?
> >
> > The drunk replied, 'Cause you're
> > ugly
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