Canadian Joke

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Canadian Joke

Post by retired2 on Tue Feb 24, 2015 10:45 am



Canadian Joke



Dave & Nadine are at the airport in Phoenix, awaiting their flight.



They are dressed in heavy boots, parka, scarf, mittens, all ready to head home to the Canadian winter.



An old American couple standing nearby in shorts are intrigued by their manner of dress.



The wife says to her husband, "Look at that couple. I wonder where they're from?"



He replies, "How would I know?"



She counters, "You could go and ask them."



He says, "I don't really care. You want to know, you go ask them."



She decides to do just that, walks over to the couple and asks,

"Excuse me, I've noticed the way you're dressed and I wonder where you're from?"



Dave replies, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan."



The woman returns to her husband who asks, "So, where are they from?"



She replies, "I don't know. They don't speak English."
avatar
retired2
Bonfire Tilter

Posts : 5971
Join date : 2012-02-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Canadian Joke

Post by retired2 on Tue Feb 24, 2015 10:45 am

After filing their personal tax returns by April 30th , many Canadians will again receive a tax refund.




This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it in a Q & A format:


Q. What is a tax refund payment?

A. It’s money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.


Q.. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.


Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen of it.


Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.


Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?

A. Shut up.


Below are some helpful tips on how to best help the Canadian economy by spending your tax refund wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.


* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.


* If you purchase a computer , it will go to India, Taiwan or China.


* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala


* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.


* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.


* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.


Instead, keep the money in Canada by:


1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to hockey games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or

5) Tattoos.


(These are the only “truly” Canadian businesses still operating)



Conclusion:

Go to a hockey game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!


No need to thank me, I'm just glad to be of help.
avatar
retired2
Bonfire Tilter

Posts : 5971
Join date : 2012-02-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Canadian Joke

Post by retired2 on Tue Feb 24, 2015 10:46 am

Blind Cashier, at Bass Pro Shop
A woman goes into the Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's
birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes
over to the counter.

A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says,
"Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,
I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel
and 10-LB. test line.

It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only
$20.00."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it
dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit
card drops on the floor.

Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says. She bends down to pick it up
and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then
realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted.
Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod
and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"

He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is
$11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50."
avatar
retired2
Bonfire Tilter

Posts : 5971
Join date : 2012-02-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Canadian Joke

Post by retired2 on Tue Feb 24, 2015 10:50 am

> Late breaking story from ESPN Sportscenter.........
>
> Pete Carroll, former head coach of the Seattle Seahawks, is reported to
be very near to signing on as a special consultant to The Pope in
Vatican City. The Pope looks to recruit Carroll to be a spokesman for
the Catholic Church because he is the first man in history that made 100
million people jump up and yell "Jesus Christ!" at the same time.
avatar
retired2
Bonfire Tilter

Posts : 5971
Join date : 2012-02-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Canadian Joke

Post by retired2 on Tue Feb 24, 2015 10:52 am

The Stud



Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gate.

St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down.


You will have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back
as priests. “


“What'll it be?" The first priest asked, "I've always wanted to be an
eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains ."


“So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.


The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this
week 'count' St. Peter?"


”No , as I told you the computer is down, so there's no way we can keep
track of what you are doing.”


" In that case" says the second priest, “I've always wanted to be a stud."





"So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to
recall the two priests.


"Will you have any trouble locating them?” He asks.


"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter, "He's somewhere over the
Rockies, flying with the eagles.


But the second one could prove to be more difficult. ”


“Why” asks the Lord.


“HE'S ON A SNOW TIRE SOME WHERE IN THE NORTH
.” I THINK IT'S CALLED
SUDBURY ONTARIO
avatar
retired2
Bonfire Tilter

Posts : 5971
Join date : 2012-02-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Canadian Joke

Post by retired2 on Tue Feb 24, 2015 11:03 am

avatar
retired2
Bonfire Tilter

Posts : 5971
Join date : 2012-02-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Canadian Joke

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum