Honestly - I love you...

[retired2]

Honestly - I love you...

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving
relationship with their husband.

The women were asked..."How many of you love your husband?"

All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the
last time you told your husband you loved him?"

Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text to
their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."

The women were then instructed to exchange phones with another person,
and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.

Below are 11 replies; some are hilarious. If you have been married for
quite a while....a sign of true love....who else would reply in such a
succinct and honest way?

Here are the replies:
1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's up with you?
4. What now? Did you crash the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean?
6. What the heck did you do now?
7. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
8. Am I dreaming?
9. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
10. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
11. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?

[retired2]

Shirley & Marcy




A mother was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school.

He didn't want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the

feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe.
So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor if she

would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance,

so he probably wouldn't notice her. She said that since she was up early

with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some

exercise as well, so she agreed.




The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following

behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew.

She did this for the whole week.




As the two kids walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy 's

little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do

every day all week. Finally she said to Timmy, 'Have you noticed that lady

following us to school all week? Do you know her?'




Timmy nonchalantly replied, 'Yeah, I know who she is.'




The little girl said, 'Well, who is she?'




'That's just Shirley Goodnest, 'Timmy replied, 'and her daughter Marcy.'




'Shirley Goodnest? Who is she and why is she following us?

'Well,' Timmy explained, 'every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much. And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!'

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you; the Lord lift His countenance upon you, and give you peace.


May Shirley Goodnest and Marcy be with you today and always!

[retired2]

Flawless Male Logic as its best :


Woman:
Do you drink beer?

Man:

Yes

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3

Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?

Man:

£3 (4.85)CAD

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 30 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs £3 and you have 3 beers a day

which puts your spending each month at £270.

In one year, it would be approximately £3,240 correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend £3,240 not accounting for

inflation, the past 30 years puts your spending

at £97,200 correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer,

that money could have been put in a step-up

interest savings account and after accounting for

compound interest for the past 30 years, you

could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?

Woman:
No

Man:
Where's your f***ing Ferrari then?

[observer]

Enjoyed that one, retired!

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