A chuckle for every day of the week

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A chuckle for every day of the week Empty A chuckle for every day of the week

Post by retired2 on Thu Mar 29, 2012 7:13 pm

A chuckle for every day of the week...

MONDAY The mother of a 17-year-old girl was

concerned that her daughter was having sex...


Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the

family's status, she consulted the family doctor.


The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any

attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then

told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and

until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.


Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing and reached over to
hug her mother, saying,


'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'
TUESDAY A man went to church one day and afterward

he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell

you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!'


The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use

profanity.'


The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five

thousand dollars in the offering plate!'


The preacher said, 'No shit?'
WEDNESDAY Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old
son to the doctor.


With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel
appeared to be in good health, they were concerned
about his rather small penis.


After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed
him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'


The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a
large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.


'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'


'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'
THURSDAY One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from

Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman..

She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on
the charge of murder, she was asked if she had
anything to say in her own defense. 'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured
that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.'
FRIDAY A Doctor was addressing a large audience

in Tampa . 'The material we put into our stomachs is

enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.. Red meat is

awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food

is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of

us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking

water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of

all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?' After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old

man in the front row raised his hand, and

softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'
SATURDAY Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower,

shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and

listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all

aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?'

'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'
SUNDAY Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus

through Holland .. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a

young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining

that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside

where many goats were grazing. 'These' she explained, 'Are

the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer

produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?' A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!
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A chuckle for every day of the week Empty Re: A chuckle for every day of the week

Post by retired2 on Thu Mar 29, 2012 9:31 pm

What happens when we are forced to work after age 70.

https://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=19THRdXxmaI
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