Gandhi Moments

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Post by retired2 on Thu Mar 20, 2014 10:31 pm



When Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi was a law-student at University College,London,
there was a Professor Peters there who disliked him because Gandhi 'did not know his place'
and was not subservient; they argued often.

One day, Professor Peters was lunching in the main Dining Hall of the University
and Gandhi came along with his tray and sat down next to him.
The Professor, in his arrogance, said, "Mr Gandhi, you do not understand, a pig and a bird do not eat together. "
Gandhi replied, "Please don't worry Professor, I'll fly away " and he moved to another table.



The annoyed Professor Peters, was further irritated when Gandhi answered all questions brilliantly at the next examination.
He asked Gandhi the following question,
"Mr. Gandhi, if you are walking down the street and find two bags,
one is a bag of wisdom and the other bag contains a lot of money; which one would you take?"
Without hesitation, Gandhi responded, "The one with the money, of course!"
Mr. Peters, smiling, said, "In your place, I would have taken the wisdom.".
"Each one must take what they don't already have", responded Gandhi indifferently.

Already ill-disposed to Gandhi, Professor Peters, wrote on one of Gandhi's
examination papers the word "Idiot!" and gave it to him.
Gandhi took the exam sheet and returned to his seat.
A few minutes later, he approached the Professor and said,
"Mr. Peters, you have signed the sheet, but you did not give me a grade."
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Post by retired2 on Thu Mar 20, 2014 10:32 pm

British humour – you can’t beat it ...... some of these are gems

BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Statement of the Century

Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?

Children Are Quick
____________________________________

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
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Post by retired2 on Thu Mar 20, 2014 10:34 pm



Camila, Duchess of Cornwall wore a pair of new shoes for her wedding.

That night, when the celebration was over and they retired to their room,
She flopped on the bed and said,
"Charles darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me."

Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales tried the right shoe but the shoe would

Not budge. "Harder!" yelled Camilla, "Harder".

Charles yelled back: "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!"
"Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried.

Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed,
"There! Oh God, that feels so good!"

In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip,
"See! I told you with a face like that, she had to be a virgin!"

Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried,
"Oh God, darling! This one's even tighter!"


At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen,
"That's my boy! He served in the Navy.
Once a Rear Admiral, always a Rear Admiral!"
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Post by retired2 on Fri Mar 21, 2014 8:46 pm

A Scottish woman goes to the local newspaper office to
arrange publication of a death notice for her recently
deceased husband.

The desk clerk informs her that there is a charge of
50 cents per word.

She pauses, reflects, and then says, "Well, then, let it
read, 'Angus MacPherson died'."

Amused at the woman's thrift, the clerk tells her that
there is a seven word minimum for all death notices.

She thinks it over and then says, "In that case, let it
read 'Angus MacPherson died. Golf clubs for sale'."
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Post by observer on Fri Mar 21, 2014 9:29 pm

I quite enjoyed the Ghandi wit!
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Post by retired2 on Fri Mar 21, 2014 10:36 pm

Some tickle better then others
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