Rearrange the letters
3 posters
Page 1 of 1
Rearrange the letters
Rearrange the letters below to spell out
an important part of the human body;
which is even more useful when erect.
P N E S I
.
.
.
.
.
.
The Two People who wrote SPINE
became doctors...........
The Rest of you are all my friends.........
an important part of the human body;
which is even more useful when erect.
P N E S I
.
.
.
.
.
.
The Two People who wrote SPINE
became doctors...........
The Rest of you are all my friends.........
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
Re: Rearrange the letters
CALORIES BURNED DURING SEX
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent.................................12 Calories
Without her consent...........................2,187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands.................................. 8 Calories
With one hand....................................12 Calories
With your teeth.................................485 Calories
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection..................................6 Calories
Without an erection...........................3,315 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary....................................12 Calories
69 lying down...............................78 Calories
69 standing up..............................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow................................216 Calories
Doggy Style..................................326 Calories
Italian Chandelier..........................2,912 Calories
ORGASMS:
Real.........................................112 Calories
Fake..........................................1,315 Calories
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging.............................18 Calories
Getting up immediately.........................36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...816 Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
18-29 years......................................36 Calories
30-39 years......................................80 Calories
40-49 years.....................................124 Calories
50-59 years...................................1,972 Calories
60-69 years...................................7,916 Calories *****
70 and over........................Results are still pending
DRESSING AFTERWARDS
Calmly..........................................32 Calories
In a hurry.......................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door..........5,218 Calories
With her husband knocking at the door......8,775 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door..........13,521 Calories
Results may vary.
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent.................................12 Calories
Without her consent...........................2,187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands.................................. 8 Calories
With one hand....................................12 Calories
With your teeth.................................485 Calories
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection..................................6 Calories
Without an erection...........................3,315 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary....................................12 Calories
69 lying down...............................78 Calories
69 standing up..............................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow................................216 Calories
Doggy Style..................................326 Calories
Italian Chandelier..........................2,912 Calories
ORGASMS:
Real.........................................112 Calories
Fake..........................................1,315 Calories
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging.............................18 Calories
Getting up immediately.........................36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...816 Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
18-29 years......................................36 Calories
30-39 years......................................80 Calories
40-49 years.....................................124 Calories
50-59 years...................................1,972 Calories
60-69 years...................................7,916 Calories *****
70 and over........................Results are still pending
DRESSING AFTERWARDS
Calmly..........................................32 Calories
In a hurry.......................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door..........5,218 Calories
With her husband knocking at the door......8,775 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door..........13,521 Calories
Results may vary.
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
Re: Rearrange the letters
My boss called me today and said, "How's it going at the office today? Is everything okay?"
I told him, "Yep, all under control. It's been busy. I haven't had a break all day."
"Great! Can you do me a favor?"
"Sure, boss. What?"
"Speed up play; I'm in the foursome behind you!"
When you have an
'I Hate My Job day'
[Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days]
Try this out:
Stop at your pharmacyand go to the
Thermometer section and purchase
A rectal thermometer made by
Johnson & Johnson.
Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your
Doors, draw the curtains and
Disconnect the phone so
You will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable
Clothing and sit in your favorite
Chair. Open the package and
Remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table
Or a surface so that it will not
Become chipped or broken
Now the fun part begins.
Take out the literature from
The box and read it carefully.
You will notice that in small
Print there is this statement:
"Every Rectal Thermometer
Made by Johnson & Johnson
Is personally tested
And then sanitized."
Now, close your eyes and repeat
Out loud five times,' I am so glad
I do not work in the thermometer
Quality control department at
Johnson & Johnson.'
HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER,
THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE
WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A
PAIN IN THE BUTT THAN YOURS!
If you haven't got a smile on your face
And laughter in your heart...
Maybe you should go and work
For Johnson and Johnson!
Enjoy life now - It has an expiration date!
Gunshot to the Head
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws And while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed. Both of her hands were behind the back of her head. He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot In the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked, and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough had hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.
Linda is a blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence. The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the expiration date was in 2008, so it was determined to be Bush's fault.
These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many,
many years. First guy asks the second guy,
"How have things been going?"
The second guy, speaking very slowly tells the first guy,
"I was almost married."
The first guy says in amazement,
"Hey, you don't stutter any more."
The answer comes, "Yes, I went to a doctor and
he told me that if I speak slowly I
will not stutter."
The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how
he was almost married.
"Well, my fiancee and I were sitting on
her porch and the dog was scratching his
back and I told her that when we are
married, she can do that for me. And then
she threw the ring in my face."
"Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the
first friend.
"Well, I speak so slowly, that by the
time she looked at the dog, he was
licking his balls!"
I told him, "Yep, all under control. It's been busy. I haven't had a break all day."
"Great! Can you do me a favor?"
"Sure, boss. What?"
"Speed up play; I'm in the foursome behind you!"
When you have an
'I Hate My Job day'
[Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days]
Try this out:
Stop at your pharmacyand go to the
Thermometer section and purchase
A rectal thermometer made by
Johnson & Johnson.
Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your
Doors, draw the curtains and
Disconnect the phone so
You will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable
Clothing and sit in your favorite
Chair. Open the package and
Remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table
Or a surface so that it will not
Become chipped or broken
Now the fun part begins.
Take out the literature from
The box and read it carefully.
You will notice that in small
Print there is this statement:
"Every Rectal Thermometer
Made by Johnson & Johnson
Is personally tested
And then sanitized."
Now, close your eyes and repeat
Out loud five times,' I am so glad
I do not work in the thermometer
Quality control department at
Johnson & Johnson.'
HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER,
THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE
WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A
PAIN IN THE BUTT THAN YOURS!
If you haven't got a smile on your face
And laughter in your heart...
Maybe you should go and work
For Johnson and Johnson!
Enjoy life now - It has an expiration date!
Gunshot to the Head
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws And while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed. Both of her hands were behind the back of her head. He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot In the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked, and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough had hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.
Linda is a blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence. The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the expiration date was in 2008, so it was determined to be Bush's fault.
These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many,
many years. First guy asks the second guy,
"How have things been going?"
The second guy, speaking very slowly tells the first guy,
"I was almost married."
The first guy says in amazement,
"Hey, you don't stutter any more."
The answer comes, "Yes, I went to a doctor and
he told me that if I speak slowly I
will not stutter."
The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how
he was almost married.
"Well, my fiancee and I were sitting on
her porch and the dog was scratching his
back and I told her that when we are
married, she can do that for me. And then
she threw the ring in my face."
"Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the
first friend.
"Well, I speak so slowly, that by the
time she looked at the dog, he was
licking his balls!"
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
Re: Rearrange the letters
By any chance did you bring any picture's of the ladies back from Vegas to share.
Rick Wisson- Posts : 1039
Join date : 2012-02-24
Re: Rearrange the letters
You mean the ones they hand out on the street corners - and just basically on the streets, Rick?
There's a joke about that, isn't there? The Jewish mothers who talk about how much money they get from their sons: - 1 is a doctor; 1 is a lawyer; and 1 has a chicken ranch?
There's a joke about that, isn't there? The Jewish mothers who talk about how much money they get from their sons: - 1 is a doctor; 1 is a lawyer; and 1 has a chicken ranch?
observer- The Watchful Eye
- Posts : 2367
Join date : 2012-02-24
Location : Delhi
Re: Rearrange the letters
CIA Position
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.
After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.
The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The man got a shocked look on his face and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!" Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."
So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about five minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her. I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."
"No," the CIA man replied. "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go the hell home."
Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door and hand her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."
The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing, one shot after another, for 13 shots. Then they heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman.
She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat the S.O.B. to death with the chair!"
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.
After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.
The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The man got a shocked look on his face and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!" Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."
So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about five minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her. I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."
"No," the CIA man replied. "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go the hell home."
Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door and hand her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."
The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing, one shot after another, for 13 shots. Then they heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman.
She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat the S.O.B. to death with the chair!"
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
Re: Rearrange the letters
I'm offended you would think I would stoup to smut like that. I only collected a few thousand to keep them off the side walkRick Wisson wrote:By any chance did you bring any picture's of the ladies back from Vegas to share.
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
Re: Rearrange the letters
..Opps Im sure You did your duty to keep the pictures off the street corners. Im talking about the private ones.retired2 wrote:I'm offended you would think I would stoup to smut like that. I only collected a few thousand to keep them off the side walkRick Wisson wrote:By any chance did you bring any picture's of the ladies back from Vegas to share.
Rick Wisson- Posts : 1039
Join date : 2012-02-24
Page 1 of 1
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
|
|