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Post by retired2 on Wed Feb 13, 2013 10:33 pm

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Post by retired2 on Wed Feb 13, 2013 10:34 pm



>>> Children Writing About the Ocean….
>>>
>>>
>>> 1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)
>>>
>>> 2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
>>>
>>> 3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't
>>> have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7)
>>>
>>> 4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
>>> Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)
>>>
>>> 5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.
>>> (Billy, age Cool
>>>
>>> 6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and
>>> pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
>>>
>>> 7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the
>>> ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle
>>> to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better
>>> off eating beans. (William, age 7)
>>>
>>> Cool - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and
>>> I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?
>>> Like, really? (Helen, age 6)
>>>
>>> 9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is
>>> always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has
>>> just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
>>>
>>> 10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can
>>> give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think
>>> they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)
>>>
>>> 11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my
>>> willy small. (Kevin, age 6)
>>>
>>> 12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't
>>> go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age Cool
>>>
>>> 13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was
>>> going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right
>>> up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)
>>>
>>> 14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown
>>> I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)
>>>
>>> 15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean.
>>> What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
>>> (James, age 7)
>>>

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Post by retired2 on Wed Feb 13, 2013 10:35 pm

My wife left a note on the fridge.........

"It's not working!! I can't take it anymore, I've gone to stay at my Moms!"

I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.........



I've no idea what she was talking about!!
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Post by retired2 on Wed Feb 13, 2013 10:35 pm

On a flight getting ready to depart for Detroit ...

Doug was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear. "What's the matter?" Doug asked.

"I've been transferred to Detroit , there's crazy people there. They've got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest crime rate."

Doug replied, "I've lived in Detroit all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a nice private school. It's as safe a place as anywhere in the world."

The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death. But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"

"Me?" said Doug. "I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck!"
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Post by retired2 on Wed Feb 13, 2013 10:36 pm



JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU'VE HEARD THE "BEST BLONDE JOKE" EVER,


ALONG COMES ONE LIKE THIS!



A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman Dave to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. Dave thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.


The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"


The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

David the milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs. I can splash it on my eyes."

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Post by growler on Thu Feb 14, 2013 10:36 am

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